We’re moving house in three days, and I’m putting my writing habit to good use by drafting a new ad each day until we move to help our landlords advertise some of the unique characteristics of the flat we’ve grown to love over the past five months.
Forget Outward Bound, learn the virtues of patience and self control from the comfort of your own home! All household appliances are fitted with complimentary ZenMaster™ Temporary Disabler technology, so twice a month your personal resolve will be strengthened by learning to do without a basic comfort such as hot water or a washing machine. All services will be restored within 18 working days. To ensure you don’t cave early, all employees at our property management firm have been trained in evasive manoeuvres such as “I’ll call you back in five minutes”, “I’m sure it’s just something you’re doing wrong”, and a personal favourite “we have no record of your eleven reports and complaints about having no hot water for the past week and a half”. With a committed approach like this, it’s no wonder that 76% of previous tenants are fully qualified ZenMasters by the time they move on.