Skye High: Under My Kilt

There was only one dragon in Loch Ness today. And I was wearing it on my bum.

It’s the age-old question about kilts: what do they wear underneath? Little did I know when I volunteered to try one on, my entire HAGGiS Adventures group would find out the answer!

In my case, the answer was my new Calvin Klein boxers with a Chinese dragon tattooed right across my bum. But I quickly realised how first-world my shame at public near-nudity was when I was told about the living conditions of the previous inhabitants of huts like this one.

The nice wooden floor of this hut near Loch Ness is a modern convention. It would actually have been thick mud, along with whatever the animals left behind. But I wouldn’t have noticed the odour if I’d lived back then, because I’d have been equally fragrant. When you only bathe once a year, everyone smells like crap pretty quickly. Literally!

I was even more thankful the floor wasn’t thick mud when I learned that the first part of putting on a kilt actually starts on the ground. The 10m long piece of material had already been expertly pleated for me by Ken, our hard-case leader whose thick Liverpudlian accent is easily confused for a Highlands one by the unsuspecting. I just had to sit down and lay back with my hands above my head. The giggling Spanish girls on the other side of the room had a great view of my crotch and quickly pulled out their iPhones.

Next, I’m rolled up like a piece of sushi.

The kilt is tied together, and I’m permitted to stand again. Some of the remaining material is fashioned into a sash.

 

I’m not sure what I enjoyed most about the next bit; the sword or the wife?

Just kidding. It was definitely the sword! (In my defence, it had actually been used in battle).

I’m really glad I volunteered to model the kilt at Fort Augustus, because it turned out to be one of my favourite parts of the whole Skye High trip.

(Even if it meant the whole group got to see my dragon undies!)
Andrew travelled on the Skye High trip as a guest of HAGGiS Adventures.